IT'S BEEN LONG , MY FEW FAITHFUL READERS :) . BEEN EXPERIENCING QUITE A GREAT DEAL RECENTLY . HAVE NO SLIGHTEST IDEA WHERE TO START FROM . OK , MAYBE LETS START FROM TODAY . I'M SICK . WHY MUST IT ALWAYS DAMN IT BE ME ?! BUT LOOK , GOD IS PRETTY FAIR IN CERTAIN WAYS , I'VE GOT GIRLFRIEND AND FAMILIES TO LOOK AFTER ME , I'VE GOT MEDICINE TO TAKE , I'VE GOT THE SWEETEST BED IN EARTH . THAT'S QUITE COOL , IF YOU COMPARE TO PEOPLE IN .. LET'S SAY AFGHANISTAN ? THOUGH MY LIFE NOW IS LEADING AIMLESSLY , BUT I BELIEVE IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME FOR ME TO GET BACK ON TRACK . I'M HAPPY ENOUGH NOW TO SPEND TIME WITH GRANNY AND MY LOVE BECAUSE TIME CAN NEVER BE SPEND ENOUGH WITH SOMEONE YOU TRULY CARE FOR AND LOVE . I OFTEN FANTASISE THAT I COULD SPEND ALL MY LIFETIME TO SPEND WITH THEM , BUT IT'S NOT QUITE POSSIBLE AS YOU CAN SEE I USED THE WORD ' FANTASISE' . LIFETIME IS TOO BIG A WORD , A DECADE MORE FOR ME I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO THANK ENOUGH . IT'S NOT ABOUT QUANTITY , IT'S THE QUALITY . THE QUALITY OF TIME YOU SPEND TOGETHER .

I HOPE THAT

EVERY TIME WE MEET

IT WOULD BE A PLEASANT DAY FOR US

EVERY TIME WE MEET

THERE WOULD BE NO FIGHTS AND QUARRELS

EVERY TIME WE MEET

WE CAN FEEL HOW BLESSED WE ARE TO BE TOGETHER

I HOPE THAT

YOU COULD BE HAPPY EVERY SINGLE DAY

YOU COULD BE HEALTHY

YOU COULD PUT DOWN THE PAST

LIVE WITHOUT HAVING TO BE HARD FOR ON YOURSELF

WE ARE GOING SEPARATE WAYS , WILL THE BOND BREAK ?

IT REALLY WILL IF YOU WERE TO KEEP THINKING OF IT

IT WON'T IF WE ARE TRUE TO EACH OTHER .

I'M GOING TO STUDY HARD , WORK HARD IN BUILDING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU YIYIN AND BE A FILIAL BOY . I WILL WORK , EARN , SAVE MONEY FOR MY FUTURE LOVE . MONEY COULD MAKE 10% OF RELATIONSHIPS , IT COULD ALSO DESTROY 90% OF RELATIONSHIPS .

I OFTEN WONDER...

WHAT LIFE IS LIKE AHEAD OF ME

I WOULDN'T WANT TO KNOW IT NOW

BECAUSE

I WOULD LIKE TO FIND IT OUT MYSELF

counting down my days at R.T.C . really had a great deal of lesson working outside . now , i have a few goals , when i reach 30 , i wish i can have a house with my love by my side , a car and a nice piano . i wish the world won't end by 2012 , cause i want to carry on looking what life has for me and i am anticipating .

the greatest test in love ; TIME .

omg ! Initial D is so inspiring !!! i wanna be a car racer !

first of all , tmr is ss paper and im not proud to say that it's been long since i open my ss textbook . next ,i want to really really get my sight-reading and aural quite done first and improve on my piano technique , cause i can't wait to start on a new instrument ! i have many imagination actually . for example , dancing like michael jackson ? hahaha . i think i will try to practice some of his moves , haha . next , i want to have as many skills as i can !!! but i will bear in mind that , better to be a master at a thing , than an amateur at everything =) So all i got to do is , polish , polish and polish . The rest are all nonsense and bullshit to me . I want to become many things , dermatologist , movie-maker , writer , doctor and accountant . But of all things , i would like to be a musician the most . We can have many interest , but we only can have one love .

Meeting a wise person in life to give you a wise and critical advice is really something invaluable and you should thank god for that , and , i need one now , where do i find this prophet... i am in a whirl . i lost myself .

Grade 8 results
- 1st piece : 29/30
- 2nd piece : 27/30
- 3rd piece : 25/30

- Scales : 20/21

-Sight-reading : 15/21

-Aural : 9/18

Total : 125/150 (Merit)

First of all , how ironic life can be , just when you thought you have screwed the exams , it turns out to be the opposite . Things are too unpredictable , now , the sun might be bright , the next moment you realise it is pouring like a waterfall . Don't assume things will always turn out to be what you expected and don't put too much hope into it , just like what i did for my grade 8 exam . When i got back my results and found out that i pass , i wasn't like can't get to sleep for the night or really over the moon . I am happy , that's an undeniable truth but if i were to take this exam's result too hard and i failed it , i won't be able to get over it for a long period time , on the contrary , if i were to pass it , i will too be happy for a long period of time . That's the point behind things . Life is like a see-saw , when things get over-loaded on the left , it will be depressed to the left and contrary . It is in equilibrium just like how your secondary school's physics taught you . For instance , when you go into the casino with 100bucks and you lay down the wager with 100 and you lost it just in one game , you will break-down , but if you were to win the game , you will be happy as a lark . Same goes to when you only lay down 1buck and you lost it , you feel nothing cause you know you still have got 99buck on hand but if you were to win it , it's only 1buck and you will feel nothing as well because you came in with 100 and it just become 101 bucks .The whole point behind this is , the harder you take things , the harder you will be able to get out of which is bad because you won't be happy . Now , NAFA , i am approaching .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder how long can i take this stress , i will try my best for as long as i could , perhaps one day i won't feel that way anymore , when that day comes it is either i have given all my heart to you or i have withdrawn all my love from you . Hopefully it won't turn out to be the latter . Maturity is what i am after for . I don't mind your past . Who doesn't have history ? But prove to me you have grow up .

a thousand thought in my mind . a million words to speak . a minor setback yet a major fall . endless possibilities and a thousand uncertainties . feeling grateful at the same time grudge-full . What the hell on earth makes us humans . life is a game given by god for us to play and this game leads us to a question , are you game for it ? No ? then out you go . nobody's gonna give a shit about you , the sun still rise and the moon still shine . an eliminate-e is just like a crushed ant , insignificant to anything . Giving up the game is your decision , even if you lose , you can still press the restart button again and again . because the good thing about life game is that it gives you infinite chips for you to play around with . Use it wisely or else getting back the chips that you have lost will be even a steeper task when one day you finally realise you want it back . Games aren't that hard to play , follow rules and be a good player . A good player means winning with no arrogance , losing without despairing . Arrogant ? how long can you remain arrogant ? what if the next round you lost ? Despair ? how long could you despair ? Easy to express it in words , hard to put it in action . Who can say that when they lost they don't feel anything , unless right from the start winning is nothing to them as well . It's normal to despair but don't leave a scar behind . It's normal to be down but mind the tasks on hand . Game in life is a test for everyone , the exams is when your life comes to an end and the question will be , '' Are you happy in this life ? ''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grade 8 is finally over . I'm so mentally prepared for the results . I should be . Let's talk about the day . Bad in the first half , Good in the second and the entire exam time is the last part of the first half . Let's talk about the examiner's face . Cant he at least smile to me ? Just look at the physique will scare the hell out of you , weighing at least 100kg and standing at 2m tall is actually pretty intimidating . i swear , just picture it out in your mind , it's like a nightmare . No smile written on his face and zero marks for his facial features . I think he is going to give me zero mark for my exam so i gave him the zero mark first . SingaporeSymphonyOrchestra only thought of the music examiners ? how humid they are ? how about the candidates ? The examiner is thrice the size of mine and look , cover every single part of his body so tightly as if going to swim . He adjust the room temperature to i presume at least 15 degrees , but look at me , freezing inside . I am the actually the V.I.P because i pay for the exam , and the examiner gets paid , i should have the priorities for the temperature in the room !!! And my aural test is a humiliating failure , same goes for my sight-reading . Next , i felt a twinge of hostility about the examiner perhaps i am too paranoid . Ok , and thank you sirin roslan for accompanying me to the exam , really calm me down tons . She's a gift from god , thank you god , i will treasure this present well .

i'm in a mess , everything is all over the place , i need someone , someone who can advice me on what to do now badly . Why am i worrying things that i shouldn't worry about and leave the important things aside . I kept telling myself , what is real , practical , what is perhaps a short fantasy , but i just can't help myself . I hope that few years down the road , everything i am doing now is worthwhile of my time , of the stresses they gave me . Why ? shouldn't now with someone by your side , you would have someone to talk to , someone to turn to , someone to run to and someone to pour out everything inside you ? I really can hardly bear with it , can you pull me up from it and i would thank you after that . Everything now is as important to me , giving up one is to give everything up . i swear every single thing is as important , but do you know how i am feeling ? How paranoid can i be , if i were to carry on this way , i'm sure one day you will get sick of it and bid farewell to me . This is the last thing that i want , and i praying everyday this day will never ever come . Perhaps everything needs time and experience which i have none . I knew what to do now , but i just can't put it to act . Can you guide me along ? Can you be patience with me ? Can you tolerate me ? Can you understand me ? I guess i am out of my mind to be so into you . All this is beyond my control , i told myself to hold back , but it just went on and on . Why did you tell me that you aren't good enough for me ? Is this how you should do when you are in love ? To see whose better for who ? No . I want to share with you my world , but you wouldn't . Tell me again how much i mean to you will you ? Tell me again that i can be assured to be with you will you ? Tell me again you are happy when you are with me will you ? Tell me again not to hide a thing from you will you ? Can you tell me what is this now , i am dying to know ...

so sorry that i'm not a mind reader .