a thousand thought in my mind . a million words to speak . a minor setback yet a major fall . endless possibilities and a thousand uncertainties . feeling grateful at the same time grudge-full . What the hell on earth makes us humans . life is a game given by god for us to play and this game leads us to a question , are you game for it ? No ? then out you go . nobody's gonna give a shit about you , the sun still rise and the moon still shine . an eliminate-e is just like a crushed ant , insignificant to anything . Giving up the game is your decision , even if you lose , you can still press the restart button again and again . because the good thing about life game is that it gives you infinite chips for you to play around with . Use it wisely or else getting back the chips that you have lost will be even a steeper task when one day you finally realise you want it back . Games aren't that hard to play , follow rules and be a good player . A good player means winning with no arrogance , losing without despairing . Arrogant ? how long can you remain arrogant ? what if the next round you lost ? Despair ? how long could you despair ? Easy to express it in words , hard to put it in action . Who can say that when they lost they don't feel anything , unless right from the start winning is nothing to them as well . It's normal to despair but don't leave a scar behind . It's normal to be down but mind the tasks on hand . Game in life is a test for everyone , the exams is when your life comes to an end and the question will be , '' Are you happy in this life ? ''

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Grade 8 is finally over . I'm so mentally prepared for the results . I should be . Let's talk about the day . Bad in the first half , Good in the second and the entire exam time is the last part of the first half . Let's talk about the examiner's face . Cant he at least smile to me ? Just look at the physique will scare the hell out of you , weighing at least 100kg and standing at 2m tall is actually pretty intimidating . i swear , just picture it out in your mind , it's like a nightmare . No smile written on his face and zero marks for his facial features . I think he is going to give me zero mark for my exam so i gave him the zero mark first . SingaporeSymphonyOrchestra only thought of the music examiners ? how humid they are ? how about the candidates ? The examiner is thrice the size of mine and look , cover every single part of his body so tightly as if going to swim . He adjust the room temperature to i presume at least 15 degrees , but look at me , freezing inside . I am the actually the V.I.P because i pay for the exam , and the examiner gets paid , i should have the priorities for the temperature in the room !!! And my aural test is a humiliating failure , same goes for my sight-reading . Next , i felt a twinge of hostility about the examiner perhaps i am too paranoid . Ok , and thank you sirin roslan for accompanying me to the exam , really calm me down tons . She's a gift from god , thank you god , i will treasure this present well .

i'm in a mess , everything is all over the place , i need someone , someone who can advice me on what to do now badly . Why am i worrying things that i shouldn't worry about and leave the important things aside . I kept telling myself , what is real , practical , what is perhaps a short fantasy , but i just can't help myself . I hope that few years down the road , everything i am doing now is worthwhile of my time , of the stresses they gave me . Why ? shouldn't now with someone by your side , you would have someone to talk to , someone to turn to , someone to run to and someone to pour out everything inside you ? I really can hardly bear with it , can you pull me up from it and i would thank you after that . Everything now is as important to me , giving up one is to give everything up . i swear every single thing is as important , but do you know how i am feeling ? How paranoid can i be , if i were to carry on this way , i'm sure one day you will get sick of it and bid farewell to me . This is the last thing that i want , and i praying everyday this day will never ever come . Perhaps everything needs time and experience which i have none . I knew what to do now , but i just can't put it to act . Can you guide me along ? Can you be patience with me ? Can you tolerate me ? Can you understand me ? I guess i am out of my mind to be so into you . All this is beyond my control , i told myself to hold back , but it just went on and on . Why did you tell me that you aren't good enough for me ? Is this how you should do when you are in love ? To see whose better for who ? No . I want to share with you my world , but you wouldn't . Tell me again how much i mean to you will you ? Tell me again that i can be assured to be with you will you ? Tell me again you are happy when you are with me will you ? Tell me again not to hide a thing from you will you ? Can you tell me what is this now , i am dying to know ...